Dealing with Low Self-Esteem

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Author: David ButlerAdded: October 16, 2006
Low self-esteem is a terrible problem for many singles, and is one of the major reasons they are not in a relationship with the opposite ######. When you think about it, It's really simple: If you don't feel real good about yourself, you're not going to think anyone else will either.
Sadly, problems with low self-esteem can not only effect our dating relationships, but all other areas of our life, including our emotional health. Single men and women with low self-esteem suffer more depression and discouragement, loneliness and anxiety in their lives than other people. These negative emotions feed a vicious cycle of withdrawal that only worsens low self-esteem. This makes me depressed just writing about this stuff!
To make matters worse, it seems many Christians feel confused when talking about self-esteem, somehow thinking it is "unspiritual" or self-centered to feel good about yourself. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth, as long as you understand from whence your strength comes.
Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem
If you are a single Christian suffering from a poor sense of self worth, and are looking for ways to build self-esteem, allowing the truth of the following points to sink into your soul will help put you on the path to recovery:
Know That God Accepts You As You Are
The beginning of healthy self-esteem and emotional well-being is self acceptance. Being able to accept yourself starts with accepting God's view of your worth as a person, and then gladly receiving what He has to offer.
Do you hate who you look like? You shouldn't because God said you were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139)
Do you feel worthless and unlovable? God the Father says He loves you, and finds you so worthwhile that He chose His son to die on your behalf,leopard print pumps with a 2 heel", even while you were far from Him (John 3:16, Romans 5:8).
Do you feel guilty and unclean because of how you have lived your life? God offers complete forgiveness and cleansing from all past wrong.(1John 1:19), and a new beginning in life (2Cor 5:17).
Know That You Belong
Self-esteem suffers when we feel like there is no place we belong. A sense of belonging gives us a feeling that we are needed and wanted. This makes us feel good about ourselves, and loved at the same time..
God made us to experience this feeling of belonging and love through the forming of intimate relationships. The most important relationship you can have is with the Lord. In fact, Jesus' prayer for His followers was that the same kind of wonderful relationship He had with His Father may be experienced by them too: "That they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us..." (John 17)
If you are a child of God, you belong in His family, and are dearly beloved (Col. 3:12). You are not orphans or paupers, but princes and princesses who will rule as co-heirs with Jesus. If you really believe this stuff, nothing will make you feel better.
Know That You Can Conquer Your Past
Many singles who suffer from low self-esteem have had past experiences (often in childhood) that have given them a tremendous sense of failure. This sense of "being a loser" is so agonizing that they fear taking risks in life. It's fears like these that can keep women and men single.
However, part of understanding who we are in Christ is realizing that past failures and experiences no longer have a hold on us. We now have the power to conquer our past failures and fears through Him (Romans 8:37, 2 Timothy 1:7). The question that remains is whether or not you choose to change your negative pattern of thinking and acting. That power is all yours through Christ (Phil. 4:13).
If you are a Christian single whose low self-esteem has caused your dating aspirations to suffer, covenant with yourself and the Lord to start seeing yourself through His eyes.
David Butler, the author of this article, has been employed in state government as a mediator and crisis intervention worker. A Christian minister to singles, he has an interactive website, Christian Dating Service PLUS!, geared toward their needs.