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No one could have been more pleased by this chromatic confluence than my friends at the Brown Car Appreciation Society, who posted a shot of my espresso’d loaner as soon as I submitted it. I received my first comment shortly thereafter,Samsung S8500, as my passengers and I stopped for lunch at Harriette’s: a delightful remnant of the old Keys which stood kitchily amongst the big box stores and Brutalist city halls that now line the Overseas Highway. “How was the GT on the 7 Mile Bridge?” some brown-car appreciator asked, referring to the septimal span of virtually unpatrolled roadway that rises from the turquoise Caribbean. “Seven-Mile Bridge: 3.5 minutes,” I responded.
Being in possession of a car like this,BlackBerry Curve 8900 black, at least in my family, meant being on permanent designated-driver duty, so I did a lot of chauffeuring during my loan. My passengers were generally delighted with the vehicle,Sony TX1 Pink, and issued slurring superlatives whenever granted seat in its saffron cradle. But my 12-year-old niece’s best friend (who was,Canon SD4000 Black, notably, not drunk at the time) performed what was perhaps the ultimate summation of its merits. Upon entering the Continental for a ride to local multiplex, the girl ran her hands and eyes over every surface,Nokia C6, and inhaled deeply. “It’s like being inside a fancy new purse.”
On a wee, two-by-four mile island like Key West—where my sister lives, and where my blendered relations gather each year for our annual Passover by the Pool misheggas—there are nearly unlimited opportunities to pause at stop signs or stoplights or families of chickens archetypically crossing the road, and whomp up to (or perhaps just beyond) the low legal speed limit. Given the atoll’s geographic limitations, and the Bentley’s monumental capabilities, this usually involves menacingly overtaking every scooter, pedicab, golf cart, bicyclist, rented Mustang, shaved ice truck,HP G61-632NR, staggering drunk, and surrey-topped tourist train within a quarter-mile radius, only to slam on the brakes, and start again. Going—or rather,Samsung T459, getting up—to 35 m.p.h. has never been so entertaining.
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Brett Berk writes gaily about culture, politics, and cars for VF.com,Nokia 6650 silver, and is the author of The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Parenting. Visit him at www.brettberk.com or follow him on Twitter.

Nor has it ever been quite so debonair. If you were stranded on a desert island—the sole commercial establishments on which were a wind-powered sawmill,Sony HDR-XR520V, an aerospace-quality forge, and a Rick Owen boutique—and were forced to construct a den suitable for Prince Harry (spec sheet: mollycoddling, discreetly exuberant, posh),Nikon S6000 Black, you would fail if you did not end up replicating the Continental’s cabin. After my time with the car, I have now added the provision of an unblemished massaging leather throne, a wood veneered and cashmere-lined sunglasses case,CANON EOS 5D MARK II 24-105MM LENS, a nine-pound billet steel ashtray, and a mechanically-powered front seatbelt presenter to my standard contractual rider. Though I would like to note that I’m fairly certain that I’m not the only fabulous bitch to drive a Bentley whose oversized Prada frames do not fit in the pictured eyewear holster.
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It wasn’t much of an exaggeration. And this is the inconceivable glory of the Continental GT. While it is a two-and-a-half ton, oozily sumptuous, ultra-luxury coupe, capable of shuttling four full-sized schlubs around in the kind of insulated opulence to which they have no business aspiring, it is also fast. Canonically fast. Being-blasted-from-a-culverin fast. And the triple-digit, double mile-per-minute speeds arrive with the confident alacrity of Gingrichian gaffes. Sweeping rounders,Canon Rebel T1i 18-55M Lens, sudden corners, and even mid-road U-ies (“T-Shirt outlet!”) occur with a poise and grip bafflingly unmolested by the vehicle’s mass. And,Motorola V9, it turns out, the GT is even wildly fun to drive slow,Canon Speedlite 430EX II Flash Unit, in a fashion.

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In their esoteric pigment-clature, Bentley calls this color “Havana”—presumably after the cigar-colored breed of fancy cats,Sony NEX5 Black, or the cigars themselves. I call it delicious. Honestly,Motorola i890 black, so many of these cars get tarted up by their gauche/celebrity owners in Hammer-pants yellow, streetwalker red,Nokia 6126, and butt-cheek pink that it was gratifying to see one in such an elegant and muscular shade. I felt like I was driving around in David Harris’ thigh.
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