tod -Friends s02e17

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thereangsheng want to seeadually lost Shengjigon people! Man lookake shot lucky breakher mind. Chen Layanrotect themselves. M. Su Yun, although vne of the four auspiierce scold Falcon cssionwilson rackets.The One Where Eddie Moves In
Originally written by Adam Chase.
Transcribed by Joshua Hodge.
[Scene: Joey's new apartment. Everyone but Chandler is there. Joey has decorated the place with tons of tacky stuff.]
JOEY: Huh? So whaddya think? Casa de Joey. Huh? I decorated it myself.
ROSS: Get out.
ALL: No.
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
JOEY: Art.
MONICA: Art it is.
ROSS: [looking at a glass table with a panther shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide.
RACHEL: [holding a pillow made out of 4 inch red fur] Hey, nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?
PHOEBE: [looking at a water sculpture that looks like a window with rain running down it] Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.
JOEY: Thanks, yeah. I love this but ya know what, it makes me wanna pee.
PHOEBE: Yeah, well me too, yeah. I think that's the challenge.
JOEY: Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?
ROSS: Well uh, it's cause he had a thing with, wi-, with the thing.
JOEY: Right, I go-, I got it.
PHOEBE: So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH,tods sale, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
RACHEL: Hey, nice toilet.
JOEY: No no no, behind it.
ROSS: Wha-, you have a phone in here?
JOEY: That's right, I have a phone in here.
MONICA: Joey, promise me something.
JOEY: Yeah.
MONICA: Never call me from that phone.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.]
[Someone bumps into Rachel and she drops the pie in a guy's hood that's seated at the table. She improvises by using the plate as a saucer for the coffee.]
RACHEL: OK, here we go. Honey, I'm sorry, they were all out of apple pie, someone just got the last piece.
[Phoebe enters]
PHOEBE: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.
CHANDLER: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.
PHOEBE: Anyway, OK, now promise you won't like, freak out and say how great this is until I'm done, OK.
ALL: OK.
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
ALL: [congradulating her and celebrating]
PHOEBE: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.
ALL: [celebrating more]
PHOEBE: I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.
[everyone is quiet, unsure if she's done or not]
PHOEBE: I'm done now.
ALL: [celebrating]
[the guy with the pie in his hood get up to leave]
RACHEL: Oh God. Ross, OK, if you care about me at all, you will get the pie out of the man's hood.
ROSS: Get the what?
RACHEL: Pie in the hood, pie in the hood. Go.
[Ross goes over behind the guy and grabs the pie out of his hood as he leaves]
GUY: What're you doing?
ROSS: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by his head, guy leaves promptly]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is outside the bathroom yelling at Ross who's in the bathroom.]
MONICA: Damnit Ross, get your butt out of the bathroom.
ROSS: Calm down, I'm blow drying.
[Rachel enters with laundry and starts folding]
MONICA: Blow drying what, you have no hair.
RACHEL: What's goin' on?
MONICA: Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower, ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .
RACHEL: Well, you're not sixteen, you're both adults now.
MONICA: GET OUT YOU DUFUS!!
RACHEL: Or ya know, he's rubber and you're glue.
ROSS: [comes out] All yours.
MONICA: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
ROSS: [in a childish voice] I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
MONICA: Shut up.
ROSS: [childish voice] Shut up.
MONICA: Cut it out.
ROSS: [childish voice] Mi-mi-mii.
[Monica goes in the bathroom]
RACHEL: [sarcastically] I've never wanted you more.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers]
CHANDLER: So,tods mens leather shoes, whaddya say boys, should I call him? [squeezes the ear of one of the slippers and it barks] Well, ya know what they say. Ask your slippers a question... you're going crazy.
[Joey's apartment, phone rings]
JOEY: Hello.
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: Hey,tods shoes sale!
CHANDLER: Listen, I'm,cheap tods, I'm sorry I didn't make it over there today.
JOEY: Oh, that's OK. You uh, you had a thing.
CHANDLER: Yeah well, I hear the place looks great.
JOEY: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'
CHANDLER: Oh hey, it's, it's terriffic. I mean it's a regular space... fest.
JOEY: Oh, well great.
CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
JOEY: Well OK then. [oven timer goes off behind Chandler] Was that the oven timer?
CHANDLER: That's right my friend. It's time for...
BOTH: Baywatch!! [both turn on TV's]
JOEY: Oh, can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?
CHANDLER: I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.
JOEY: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.
CHANDLER: Well, how could anyone not be in love with Yasmine Blepe?
JOEY: Hey, hey, they're runnin'
CHANDLER: See, this is the brilliance of the show. I say always keep them running. All the time, running. Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.]
MONICA: But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.
JOEY: I did. I thought it'd be great. I figured I'd have like, time alone with my thoughts but, ya know, it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
JOEY: You really think he'd take me? I mean, we had a pretty good talk last night but, when I moved out, I hurt him bad.
MONICA: I promise you, he would definitely want you back.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting between Rachel and Ross.]
ROSS: I'm telling you, there's no way he's moving back.
CHANDLER: But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like when we first started living together.
ROSS: Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now but, we've seen him in his new place, alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated.
RACHEL: Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, you have to too.
CHANDLER: But...
ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
PRODUCER: OK Phoebe, you ready to try one?
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers start singing smelly, smelly, smelly, smelly behind her] Oh woah, oh my God. I mean like, who was that?
PRODUCER:They're your backup singers... beind you.
PHOEBE: OH!! Oh I thought they were just watching me. You know, like at,Tods Mens Sneakers, like at an aquarium, ya know.
PRODUCER: Alrighty. From the top.
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
PRODUCER: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.
PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.]
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
MONICA: I was.
ROSS: Oh I-, Oh wait, Tony can you hang on? That's the other line. [gets the other line] Hello. Oh yeah she's here but uh, can she call you back? OK thanks. [hangs up the other line] Call Joanna. [back on with Tony] Hi.
MONICA: Did she leave a number?
ROSS: Did you see me write one down?
MONICA: I don't have her number, butt-munch.
ROSS: Well, she'll call back, don't be such a baby.
MONICA: I'm not a baby, you're the baby.
ROSS: Look, you wanna get off my back?
MONICA: You wanna get out of my face?
ROSS: Wait hold on Tony, hold on. [answers second line] Hello. Hi, yeah no, she's right here. Um hold on. [gets first line] Hi Tony, can I call you back? That's uh, that's my sister's boyfriend.
MONICA: Give me that.
ROSS: OK.
MONICA: Hi sweetie, look before I forget, did I leave my diaphram at your place? Hi mom. [she starts throwing oranges at Ross who's looking pleased with himself]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: So uhh, how's the palace?
JOEY: You know it's funny you should mention that 'cause I was thinkin'... what's with the boxes?
CHANDLER: Oh, uhh, actually I uh, have some news.
EDDIE: Hey Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by and pick up his moose hat or should I just toss it out?
CHANDLER: Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie.
EDDIE: Nice to meet ya.
JOEY: Likewise. Uh, I'll take that. [grabs moose hat] It's what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet?
EDDIE: At the uh, supermarket, in the uh, ethnic food section. I helped him pick out a chorizo.
JOEY: Wow.
CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.
JOEY: Oh, now it's a spare room?
CHANDLER: Well ...